Like yesterday...

Every now and then

Soft as breath upon my skin

I feel you come back again

and it's like you haven't been

gone a moment from my side..

17 years ago today my Daddy died of cancer. I remember when he got sick that I couldn't even imagine him not being there and never let myself believe that he might not make it-even up to the moment that my mother woke me up that morning and told me he was gone. It felt like if I didn't think about him dying then I could keep it from happening and of course life is not that way. In some ways it still seems like only yesterday and I can remember things about him like he was just here. In other ways, it seems like he has missed out on a lifetime for all of us-so many things have happened in our lives that he wasn't able to be here for. He missed my wedding by two months and he missed when I graduated from college. I know how proud that would have made him. Most importantly, he has missed the birth of all of his grandchildren and getting to know them and enjoy them. He always wanted a boy and instead he had 3 girls. Of course, he was crazy about us but he would have loved a boy. Now, he has all boy grandchildren except for one and he's not here to enjoy all their antics or simple things like just throwing a baseball with them. As I watched Connor play baseball tonight, I thought about how much Daddy would have enjoyed coming to all the games and buying gloves and cleats and stuff. He would have loved all of them and celebrated their every accomplishment just like he did for us when we were growing up. Instead-we have an empty spot in our lives because he's not here. I know that he is watching over us and enjoying every minute but I sure wish that he could be here instead. Even after all this time it's not any easier to accept that he's gone.

There are more than angels watching over me...I believe.